Wednesday, July 27, 2005

1-2

Thank God for not logging out yesterday, for words I thought to have vanished, were alive and staring at me this morning. Although they were dancing in front of my eyes, the weight they carried not long ago seemed to have disappeared, for they weren’t meant to exist any longer. It’s like looking at the ghostly figure of a departed family member, the shape and sizes are still visible, but they are far from being tangible. The creator decided to call the words back, but by some accidental miracle they still remained.

Between the lost of sleep, the nightmares, the hot sweat, the wet sheets, my sense of detachment grew. Practicing telling the truth is a hard task, no wonder so many don’t do it. The outcome is not one you can control, not when you lay it out, and hope. I have to find out whether or not one entity can love two others that aren’t his/her offspring. Could it be that I am just focusing on moments that were the most favorable, the best memories, and making decisions based on that? I’ve already lost one, temporarily (maybe, I don’t know); it’s time to see what the other will do.

I finally grew the balls to endure the pain, whatever may come, can’t be much worst than last night.

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