Yesterday

Yesterday was really bad, yeah maybe the worst; I pray that it was cause that only means better ones are ahead. I really had forgotten how it felt to be so low, even though a year ago I wasn’t too far from the bottom rocks. The day was bad, cause I chose to listen to the saddest song on the 2046 soundtrack ‘Adagio’; I had it on repeat for five hours. I am a masochist, fuck. So, the productivity level during the work hours was particularly minor. The home front wasn’t much better, I got calls from people demanding that I be active, it’s ok, they don’t know I am feeling the way I am, so I had to ignore them some more. So, I stayed upstairs, and watched ‘Closer’, maybe not the smartest move, but hey, I am a masochist. So I stayed under the blankets, enjoying my doing, my own construction. Maybe it’s the demolition, yeah, my own demolition, so that I can witness the build up at some point in the future. Time went by, and then I played with my phone, erased some more numbers, and looked at all the names that were listed in the phonebook section, and took deliberate time to think about how I felt about each of these names, and the person they represented. It’s a highly therapeutic experience I highly recommend it. So after that, I put on the second season of Huff, kind of good, not as good as the first one though. Then sleep came.