Drive

I am riding a coaster, with one yes it’s complete agony, and with another yes joy is pouring out of me. This swing of emotions let me know that I am alive, yet at the time is killing me.

“Driving has never been so painful, listening to the road at first, the almost complete silence engulfing me, magnifying the ache that started in the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time, but I did not forget the feeling. It’s impossible to forget it because it scars you for life, and whenever you see it, you know what it is. So, making my way down the road, thinking about what I had just witnessed, what I knew was going to take place; the gathering would get smaller, the light would get dimmer, he would get closer, and the need would drive her. In that setting, things would take place, things I didn’t want to think about, but things I knew too well. I am gripping the wheel really tightly, I want to break it, and I want to destroy something just so that I can feel ok, I need to relax. I relax, and my mind goes back to the apartment, her skirt, her eyes, and the answer that stared back at me when I queried them; “yes, I am going to do this”. I close my eyes while driving, and open them again, I didn’t hit anything, but the state trooper behind me had turned on his red and blue, I looked at my speedometer and I was 20 over.”