check-oetry

I miss you like crazy

I will feel uneasy

To die with my envy

To have you under me

To hold and touch softly

To whisper willingly

That my heart gets leaky

When I know you miss me

I’ve written this before

On this path I’m once more

Staring at the decor

Making my life feel sore

Yet still, I do adore

What spawn within our core

This child born from our chore

Will define us no more

This Morning

Woke up this morning when my phone rang, 5:15, I woke up from a dream that was turning into a nightmare. With my eyes shut I thought about not getting up, but I did that yesterday so I can’t do it today. I lay there for five minutes, I was about to slip away again, and then I remembered having class later on, so I had to get up. I rolled out, and turned on the lights, I wasn’t as I tired as I should be. It took me hours to do the homework the night before, causing me to fall asleep around 1:30. It’s going to be a hard day, but hey, I come from a hard life, so I am not phased, I got my dukes up, and feet apart while slightly bending my knees; bring it on life, I got your number.I put on Loyd Banks’ ‘Porno Star’ in Winamp, the beat is making me feel better. What’s up with the power of music, I would like to know how it works so well. Nina Simone came on next, amazing to think that she did all that, amazing. Time floated away, I don’t remember much more, just a regular drive, with the regular 6:30 crowd, all hurrying up to wait for death. There’s a bunch of guys retiring today, they can, if they chose, never work again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that, never work. It even sounds bad to me. I’ve joked many time saying I couldn’t wait for retirement, but I’ve lied every time I’ve said it. Hurry up and wait…

The Nightmare

It didn't take long, it didn't take long at all, and she was quick with it. I guess she was following the blueprint her girls had drawn for her. I knew the route, cause I was advised on these type of situations by my gang as well, "do it quick man, just like pulling duct tape off of your privates, one quick yank bro". She was pulling on the tape now while my jewels were attached to it, and I could anticipate the hurt that was going to flood my construct. She wasn't looking at me as her lips parted and came back together, the sounds that she made sounded rehearsed, she had said it many times before, and wouldn't have stopped even if I had begged her too. When she was done with her spill, water started to spill from me, it was worse than I anticipated, in a very short moment my life had changed, and my plans for the years coming took a different shape, she had no idea. In the very short moment that existed between her pause, and my demands, every moment we ever spent together came back to me like the orgasmic wave that she use to experience, only it was bad, very bad. I wonder if I had done this or done that, would this moment that I am living now would ever be occurring. Then my brain froze, action had taken over, and was killing the thoughts. I started begging for my life back, my love back "baby please don't go, baby, baby, baby please", like a confused child I was weeping. I didn't know one person could have so much power over me, nope, didn't know it, and now that I was experiencing it, and I understood why this kid I knew in high school did himself in over some chick who didn't want him. I wanted to do the same. Yep, my world collapsed, and hell, I wanted to go with it. She was leaving me, letting me, denying me. Then I woke up with moisture on my face, fucking nightmare man, damn nightmare.

It's late

It's late and I am not done with this day yet. I should probably stop writing now, and fall into bed. Why should I do that though, such an act would only delay the pain of doing the work. I don't dread it, I don't know what the deal is really. It's like my brain wants to focus on everything else but that. When I done with it, I will feel no joy, no sense of accomplishment. It will be just another one done till the next one comes around. The long term, that's what keeps me going, the long term. I don't think I am happy right now, I wouldn't say it, but I can write it, yep I am not happy right now. Back to reality, wow there goes gravity.

This thing may turn out to be helpful after all. Since this PC and I are going to be one for the remainder of the journey, I should use it to my advantage. It’s six o’clock and my day isn’t done yet, I still have to take care of some grad school stuff. Why does it have to be so hard for ME to be happy, to feel fulfill. I didn’t grow up in society that demanded that I take, take, and take, in order to feel good. I’ve picked up this bad habit in this land; I need to shed it off quick before the taking takes me under. How much stuff do you think you’d need in order to feel complete? How many girls, because yes, some do see women as possessions, do you think it would take? Back to the grind, work now, rest when you die right? Right.

First one

I need a digital camera, that is the only way I'll keep posting on this, cause I know most people won't care about what will be listed if the pictures aren't with them.
This going to be random, there's going to be no order to this madness.

I've been creating software all morning, I guess that's what got me hooked in the first place, the create part. There's no greater freedom than letting your brain go wild with crazy ideas, ways to do stuff, ways to create new path in the world. Originality is not dead, I won't let it die, at least not in my head.

I wonder how much personal stuff I can put on this, I guess time will tell. Feel free to post non-offensive stuff, I won't care if they are offensive, but the blogger police will.