...do is sleep
In my very limited reading career I’ve yet to come across anything that encapsulate the fiction that resides in my head. Though with fiction there’s a level of reality needed to make it believable, I refuse to inject my dreams with elements of boundaries found in our physical realm. If we only dreamed of things logically and physically possible, we would only be planning. Hopefully this disclaimer will free your thoughts from the cages created by reality.
My heart is melting, literally dripping on my right side, and oozing out of my pores onto the comforter. It’s dripping on my right side because I am curled up in the fetal position on my right shoulder, with my right cheek against the cotton of my pillowcase. I am curled up, shaking, pain is running through me like fire, and my heart, like butter, is melting. All that I know at this moment is that this pain will kill me. If I don’t fall asleep, if I don’t leave this world of consciousness, this fire will consume every last drop of my being. “All I want to do is sleep” sniff, sniff, “all I want to do is sleep.” The aftermath of this very long streak of mistakes led me here, I knew too well it was my doing, and that caused it to hurt more. I rock back and fourth, thinking about what I had lost, and another jolt of anguish ran through my body. There’s no way this could get worst, this is the underbelly of rock bottom, I thought, then I thought again; about his weight on top of her, and her, unlocking her legs to welcome him in, and my heart ceased to exist, I died. I knew I was dead because just like in the movies, I was standing over, or maybe floating over my body. I was seeing me from this angle the very first time, I looked so sad, so, so sad, like a lost child needing his earthly angel’s attention, a lost child wanting to be hugged and comforted by his mother. The transformation from grown man, to lonely child was instantaneous, and unmistakable, I was dead, and now I knew that at death you went back to the beginning, you went to back to where it all started.
My heart is melting, literally dripping on my right side, and oozing out of my pores onto the comforter. It’s dripping on my right side because I am curled up in the fetal position on my right shoulder, with my right cheek against the cotton of my pillowcase. I am curled up, shaking, pain is running through me like fire, and my heart, like butter, is melting. All that I know at this moment is that this pain will kill me. If I don’t fall asleep, if I don’t leave this world of consciousness, this fire will consume every last drop of my being. “All I want to do is sleep” sniff, sniff, “all I want to do is sleep.” The aftermath of this very long streak of mistakes led me here, I knew too well it was my doing, and that caused it to hurt more. I rock back and fourth, thinking about what I had lost, and another jolt of anguish ran through my body. There’s no way this could get worst, this is the underbelly of rock bottom, I thought, then I thought again; about his weight on top of her, and her, unlocking her legs to welcome him in, and my heart ceased to exist, I died. I knew I was dead because just like in the movies, I was standing over, or maybe floating over my body. I was seeing me from this angle the very first time, I looked so sad, so, so sad, like a lost child needing his earthly angel’s attention, a lost child wanting to be hugged and comforted by his mother. The transformation from grown man, to lonely child was instantaneous, and unmistakable, I was dead, and now I knew that at death you went back to the beginning, you went to back to where it all started.
posted by RND-Thoughts at 6/06/2005 12:09:00 PM
1 Comments:
The aftermath of this very long streak of mistakes led me here, and I knew too well it was my doing, and that caused it to hurt more.
woa. ouch. that cut deep.
kisses
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